Hello!
Welcome back, this time up, a Jackie Chan flick! a Jackie Chan directed flick! and directly after this, I'll do a top 10 list!
I'll attempt to sum up the movie first. It'll set the tone for the review.
Jackie Chan plays a Relic hunter, he's contracted to find the 12 zodiac heads, but 6 of them are already accounted for. so he goes to...France? and gets 2, then another one randomly, then goes somewhere else. then gets 2 more. then parachutes into a volcano. yeah, that's about it. anyway, review
Pros:
Jackie Chan as an actor and Stuntman. Chan is up to his usual hijinks in this. Fast paced fight scenes and his signature humor. it breaks into a few fights. I'll do a fight review later.
At the end there were both an awesome gag reel. and a Jackie Chan retrospective about him winning 'most on screen stunts' guinness award. those were cool
Cons:
Jackie Chan as a Director and Writer. Wow, this was one of the worst written movies I've ever seen. all the way through I felt lost and utterly confused. why were they getting these heads? why was Jackie in a Roller man suit? Why did the french girl join the team? Why did the hippie girl steal stuff when she was so against it just a scene before. Where did the Pirates come from? Why did the sophisticated French (?) bodyguards turn up wearing Hawaiian shirts in the middle of the jungle? does Gold float in a huge tree? Was the S-C-U-M-B-A-G guy actually just Jackie's friend? Who thought the 3 relationships that were all paper thin and cliche were good ideas?
you get the idea, the movie was a huge mess. It was strung together by extremely thin plot lines and so many scenes just ended up as a jumble and head scratching.
the other problem was the half assed dubbing. it was in English, and very lazy English. why wasn't it in Chinese? half the movie was subtitled French and some Russian and whatever language the Chinese people that were dubbed in English spoke to each other when they were trying to hide what they were saying. There was a scene where an Asian girl is speaking English to Jackie and a french girl. she says something in, I think, Chinese to Jackie. the french girl asks Jackie (in English) what she said. the Asian girl then says 'I don't need a translation (in Chinese) the continues to ramble on in a foreign language and somehow it ends up as french because the french girl says 'oh ok' (in french). huh?
Fight Scenes:
Lets face it, everyone is going to see this for the action scenes. I'll break them down
1. A weird 'roller man' chase down a winding road that completely defies every law of physics and ultimately made absolutely no sense. they never establish why he's there, and his sexy Asian contortionist partner uses her long legs to get a thing with keys on it, uses her contortioning to put it under a truck. then walks off and isn't seen again. um, OK? it had some cool moments but ultimately had too many wire stunts and CGI for my liking.
2. A chase scene leaving a castle type place. (never got why he was there) it again had some fun moments but it had so many logic flaws. he ends up in a hedge maze being chased by dogs. then uses a parachute to get out. does running with a parachute make you float?
3. A small fight on a dock leading to a boat. short but fun, some cool moves, not too memorable.
4. a fight on a decaying boat, in a crevasse, in a jungle, on a random island in the middle of the ocean. if that wasnt random enough, it's between Jackie's crew, the Bodyguards from the small boat dock fight, and a group of Hook Lost Boy rejects. yeah. Mostly just gun gags and slapstick action in this one. ultimately not too great.
5. A fight between Jackie and a rival art collector. the whole Fight takes place on a couch. I kid you not, they have to stay on the couch throughout the whole fight. It's actually pretty bad ass. the two fighters have tons of col flips and tricks. It's definitely a highlight of the movie.
6. 6 and 7 take place at the same time. this one is between Sexy Asian contortionist and Jackie's rival's girlfriend(?). they fight and contort and have a pretty cool little fight. even though the various structures and props make absolutely no sense in the context of the location.
7. Jackie takes on a whole bunch of random guys in a art reproduction factory. it's a long sprawling fight, between a lab with rolley chairs, and a place with textiles, and a photo stage with a lighting gear and stuff like that. It was an awesome fight. tons of flips and props. very kinetic and fast paced. Awesome fight scene.
8. 3 skydivers are diving into a volcano (yeah, not joking) they are attacked by Jackie mid-air. (where did he come from?) he ends up knocking one out. (it's the rival's Girlfriend). Jackie helps her pull her chute, and the rival thanks him and helps her. OK, one left, some cool random flips and such later Jackie is chute-less and falling into the volcano. well he pulls an airbag and falls down the far side. he breaks a leg, that's it. uh, weird but, OK sure....
that's all, a couple good fights and a horrible jumble of Dubbed dialogue and completely random storylines.
FINAL VERDICT: 18
Good fights, Horrible writing and directing.
Such a shame, i need to see something good to make up for it.
Next up: Top 10 Favorite Martial Artists
Welcome back, this time up, a Jackie Chan flick! a Jackie Chan directed flick! and directly after this, I'll do a top 10 list!
I'll attempt to sum up the movie first. It'll set the tone for the review.
Jackie Chan plays a Relic hunter, he's contracted to find the 12 zodiac heads, but 6 of them are already accounted for. so he goes to...France? and gets 2, then another one randomly, then goes somewhere else. then gets 2 more. then parachutes into a volcano. yeah, that's about it. anyway, review
MOVIE REVIEW: Chinese Zodiac
Jackie Chan as an actor and Stuntman. Chan is up to his usual hijinks in this. Fast paced fight scenes and his signature humor. it breaks into a few fights. I'll do a fight review later.
At the end there were both an awesome gag reel. and a Jackie Chan retrospective about him winning 'most on screen stunts' guinness award. those were cool
Cons:
Jackie Chan as a Director and Writer. Wow, this was one of the worst written movies I've ever seen. all the way through I felt lost and utterly confused. why were they getting these heads? why was Jackie in a Roller man suit? Why did the french girl join the team? Why did the hippie girl steal stuff when she was so against it just a scene before. Where did the Pirates come from? Why did the sophisticated French (?) bodyguards turn up wearing Hawaiian shirts in the middle of the jungle? does Gold float in a huge tree? Was the S-C-U-M-B-A-G guy actually just Jackie's friend? Who thought the 3 relationships that were all paper thin and cliche were good ideas?
you get the idea, the movie was a huge mess. It was strung together by extremely thin plot lines and so many scenes just ended up as a jumble and head scratching.
the other problem was the half assed dubbing. it was in English, and very lazy English. why wasn't it in Chinese? half the movie was subtitled French and some Russian and whatever language the Chinese people that were dubbed in English spoke to each other when they were trying to hide what they were saying. There was a scene where an Asian girl is speaking English to Jackie and a french girl. she says something in, I think, Chinese to Jackie. the french girl asks Jackie (in English) what she said. the Asian girl then says 'I don't need a translation (in Chinese) the continues to ramble on in a foreign language and somehow it ends up as french because the french girl says 'oh ok' (in french). huh?
Fight Scenes:
Lets face it, everyone is going to see this for the action scenes. I'll break them down
1. A weird 'roller man' chase down a winding road that completely defies every law of physics and ultimately made absolutely no sense. they never establish why he's there, and his sexy Asian contortionist partner uses her long legs to get a thing with keys on it, uses her contortioning to put it under a truck. then walks off and isn't seen again. um, OK? it had some cool moments but ultimately had too many wire stunts and CGI for my liking.
2. A chase scene leaving a castle type place. (never got why he was there) it again had some fun moments but it had so many logic flaws. he ends up in a hedge maze being chased by dogs. then uses a parachute to get out. does running with a parachute make you float?
3. A small fight on a dock leading to a boat. short but fun, some cool moves, not too memorable.
4. a fight on a decaying boat, in a crevasse, in a jungle, on a random island in the middle of the ocean. if that wasnt random enough, it's between Jackie's crew, the Bodyguards from the small boat dock fight, and a group of Hook Lost Boy rejects. yeah. Mostly just gun gags and slapstick action in this one. ultimately not too great.
5. A fight between Jackie and a rival art collector. the whole Fight takes place on a couch. I kid you not, they have to stay on the couch throughout the whole fight. It's actually pretty bad ass. the two fighters have tons of col flips and tricks. It's definitely a highlight of the movie.
6. 6 and 7 take place at the same time. this one is between Sexy Asian contortionist and Jackie's rival's girlfriend(?). they fight and contort and have a pretty cool little fight. even though the various structures and props make absolutely no sense in the context of the location.
7. Jackie takes on a whole bunch of random guys in a art reproduction factory. it's a long sprawling fight, between a lab with rolley chairs, and a place with textiles, and a photo stage with a lighting gear and stuff like that. It was an awesome fight. tons of flips and props. very kinetic and fast paced. Awesome fight scene.
8. 3 skydivers are diving into a volcano (yeah, not joking) they are attacked by Jackie mid-air. (where did he come from?) he ends up knocking one out. (it's the rival's Girlfriend). Jackie helps her pull her chute, and the rival thanks him and helps her. OK, one left, some cool random flips and such later Jackie is chute-less and falling into the volcano. well he pulls an airbag and falls down the far side. he breaks a leg, that's it. uh, weird but, OK sure....
that's all, a couple good fights and a horrible jumble of Dubbed dialogue and completely random storylines.
FINAL VERDICT: 18
Good fights, Horrible writing and directing.
Such a shame, i need to see something good to make up for it.
Next up: Top 10 Favorite Martial Artists
Comments
Post a Comment