Ohayo!
Well, I guess I shouldn't use that. That's reserved for Anime reviews. instead I should use some American version of a Japanese word.....Nevermind, I'm drawing a blank.
Anyway I just finished up the American Remake of the Japanese Hentai Anime 'Kite'. Figured I should review it, cause ya know, that's like a thing I do.
Pros:
Well this pros section is going to be pretty short. This was one of those movies you pick up cheap in a dollar bin. watch it for a laugh then forget you ever bought it and lament the other things you could have used the $10 for. like toothpaste, or an eye scraper.
I wonder if eye scrapers are really only $10 or if I'm off on that.
Whatever. This movie has very little going for it. Really just some good looking people and some really cool music. The original anime didn't have a whole lot going for it either but it had some really cool gun fights and a lot of over the top sex scenes.
Cons:
Well, everything else.
1. The music. I know I said it was good but it was overly loud for a lot of the movie. almost like the director realized he had poor dialogue and wanted to cover it with techno beats.
2. Samuel L Jackson. How the hell did he get wrapped up in this? He walked his way through the role and ultimately added absolutely nothing to the movie except some credibility to the trailers that tricked me into watching this. (and spending $10 on it)
3. The rest of the cast. Some Look good. but for the most part they were stiff and hollow all around. I never once said 'Hey that person can act'
4. The action. Well I'm sure there was some action in there but it was so poorly paced and shot that it felt like a high budget home video. The shootout in the Bathroom was so poorly executed I couldn't even tell that her ear was blown off. I mean, You have exploding bullets and a girl conditioned in martial arts. why not use them?
5. The editing. I absolutely hate the 'small jump cut' usage in this film. It's like those five frames were just tearing down the pacing so let's remove them and save a fraction of a second in run time. then lets do it again a few seconds from now, just to give the audience a headache. This kind of editing is sloppy and frustrating.
6. The directing. Who gave this director the money to make this movie. This was a good opportunity. the original source material could very easily be adapted into something interesting and visceral but this felt like a bunch of kids making a backyard movie.
Final Notes:
I wanted to like this but I just cant get over how universally bad this film is.
Final Verdict: 7
Just, Bad
Well, I guess I shouldn't use that. That's reserved for Anime reviews. instead I should use some American version of a Japanese word.....Nevermind, I'm drawing a blank.
Anyway I just finished up the American Remake of the Japanese Hentai Anime 'Kite'. Figured I should review it, cause ya know, that's like a thing I do.
Movie Review: Kite
Well this pros section is going to be pretty short. This was one of those movies you pick up cheap in a dollar bin. watch it for a laugh then forget you ever bought it and lament the other things you could have used the $10 for. like toothpaste, or an eye scraper.
I wonder if eye scrapers are really only $10 or if I'm off on that.
Whatever. This movie has very little going for it. Really just some good looking people and some really cool music. The original anime didn't have a whole lot going for it either but it had some really cool gun fights and a lot of over the top sex scenes.
Cons:
Well, everything else.
1. The music. I know I said it was good but it was overly loud for a lot of the movie. almost like the director realized he had poor dialogue and wanted to cover it with techno beats.
2. Samuel L Jackson. How the hell did he get wrapped up in this? He walked his way through the role and ultimately added absolutely nothing to the movie except some credibility to the trailers that tricked me into watching this. (and spending $10 on it)
3. The rest of the cast. Some Look good. but for the most part they were stiff and hollow all around. I never once said 'Hey that person can act'
4. The action. Well I'm sure there was some action in there but it was so poorly paced and shot that it felt like a high budget home video. The shootout in the Bathroom was so poorly executed I couldn't even tell that her ear was blown off. I mean, You have exploding bullets and a girl conditioned in martial arts. why not use them?
5. The editing. I absolutely hate the 'small jump cut' usage in this film. It's like those five frames were just tearing down the pacing so let's remove them and save a fraction of a second in run time. then lets do it again a few seconds from now, just to give the audience a headache. This kind of editing is sloppy and frustrating.
6. The directing. Who gave this director the money to make this movie. This was a good opportunity. the original source material could very easily be adapted into something interesting and visceral but this felt like a bunch of kids making a backyard movie.
Final Notes:
I wanted to like this but I just cant get over how universally bad this film is.
Final Verdict: 7
Just, Bad
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