Salut!
Notice how much easier the second Percy Jackson title is to say. I mean, Percy Jackson and the Olympians the Lightning Thief, is one damn long title.
Well, i went into this with relatively low expectations. It wasn't as bad as I expected though, so that's good!
this ones different, it's mostly a giant list. -Spoilers Ahead -
MOVIE REVIEW: Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters
Pros:
I really like Logan Lerman, since Perks of being a Wallflower he's been one of my favorite young actors.
The movie was pretty fun and had some cool action, especially the Golden Army Bull. He reminded me of Inspector gadget, randomly popping out new gadgets whenever he or the 3D required it.
I like the Mythology hidden in the the movie. the whole story of Chronos and the fall of the titans was cool. even though I just saw the same story in Wrath of the titans.
This was better than Wrath of the titans! there's a Pro!
I like the Subtle reference to Jesus, Even though I think Jesus is fake. I liked the reference to him.
Cons:
The cons are full of about 35 questions and WTF (what the frink) moments.
1. Since when did Pierce Brosnan turn into the Legal assassin?
2. Why was the movie so scared to just call Stanley Tucci Dionysus? I mean, Mr. D? Just say Dionysus
3. The giant Wipeout contraption the halfbloods were playing on stopped when Clarice grabbed the random stone at the top. Obviously the halfbloods all know this would happen. why does Percy Dogooder insist on stopping and sabotaging himself instead of just winning and stopping it to save Neville dragging on the ground? is Percy a moron?
that's debatable.
4. Theyre Demigods....just call them Demigods! not halfbloods. damn mudbloods
5. oh look, a giant mechanical bull. oh look he has a flamethrower, oh look, a drilling tongue, oh look, drilling horns. oh look a flipper saddle...(a flipper saddle?) and oh look he can detach everything and reattach it. sure would suck if the trailers ruin how he dies....oh, damn, they did. bye golden army wannabe, you were killed by a Uniball.
6. Luke's back? um, are we supposed to be surprised?
7. Hey look a cool looking wraith thing. doesn't do much tho....
8. a 10 minute long stain glass puppet exposition scene? well, I bet this thing about chronos coming back will end up being the main issue of the storyline. and doesn't this just kinda feel like a prologue to a certain movie with twin elf prince and princess and a red monkey with a large rock hand?
9. I've seen Wrath of the titans. and they already resurrected chronos, he was a kilometre tall and destroyed stuff. keep that in mind for later.
10. Oh, Not pierce brosnan picks the rival and her pretty boy satyr. I bet they'll do well....
11. Of course Percy and his friends go. how surprising...
12. Ok, let's talk about the cyclops.....1, the effect looks cheap. 2. he puts sunglasses on in an obvious attempt to save special effect money, yet the character wouldn't be able to see out of the glasses, the Nose area would be directly in front of his eye....lame...then he 'mists' himself and has 2 eyes, yay budget reduction! he's also super strong and fireproof. I wonder if that'll come in later...
nope, never does....but there's always the sequel, that'll never happen given box office tallies.
13. HEY! The ford anglia and the knightbus had a kid! and it's the Taxi from scrooged!
14. where did the center blind which lady go when the taxi split in half?
15. oh, they're in DC, still a long way to Florida and they don't have much money, I bet it'll take them a while to get to Florida. oh they're there, and they found his boat....that sure was lucky that Luke parks his boat so close to shore. thank god he wasn't actually out in the ocean or anything...
16. Hi nathan Fillion, I love you.
oh, you're only in it for 5 minutes and a firefly quip? oh. well, remember to give them a couple neat gadgets they'll only use once and never touch again.
17. so, how do the Demigods get to the boat? Rainbow horse....I'm calling it Rainbow dash.
18. hey, I bet that case they're all mystified about is chronos, you know, that guy you spent 10 minutes earlier in the movie describing? yeah, him.
19. so, Luke has daddy issues, great reason to murder everyone on earth. so damn cliche. Lets face it, this Luke ain't got nothing ont hat other Luke...
20. Hey look! He used one of the Captain hammer tools! maybe he'll have the foresight to keep the package tape of vanishing for future uses, like say, making a hole in the boat to sink it and drown the Ark of the Chronos covenant.
21. Percy Jackson: the water bender, he could barely move water in the beginning, now he can surf on his own waves, and create typhoons, hmm, a little uneven there. and why can Luke ride the water too? he's not the avatar
22. whew, they got away from the crazy Demigod and his boat of freaks, it's in hot pursuit. feels like a good time to sit and chat about the cyclop's issues and let them catch up. Oh and give the notoriously clumsy guy the bottle of breath. good choice
23. damn, he dropped it. good time for a water roller coaster ride.
24. So theyre inside the Giant snake? with a ravenous sphincter? I bet shooting a hole in it will totally not instantly fill it with water, and the pressure would crush that old ship in an instant, it's not a damn submarine.
25. whoah an abandoned Amusement park. Cue Cybermen
26. So, you enter an abandoned amusement part, whats the first thing you do? get on a roller coaster....yes, these are the worlds heroes.
27. that Cyclops sounds familiar. I feel like I mentioned hellboy already.
28. got the fleece, cool. and oh look, theres Luke again, shoulda crippled that boat. oh the cyclops brother is shot and apparently killed, show some emotion Percy. nah, never mind. moving on.
29. So, Luke ties Grover, Percy, Clarice, Indiana, and the girl to garters instead of just killing them, so they can watch him revive Cronos. this is kinda like Monologuing. just kill them and revive the titan. dumbass.
30. WAIT WAIT WAIT! he didnt take Percy's sword? FRAKKING DUMBASS!
31. Ok, so, the fleece is on the Ark of the Cronos covenant. Percy rushes the alter and...attacks Luke. then awkwardly stands there for a few seconds as Luke regains himself. they fight a bit, then Luke almost stabs him, (someone saw the frodo almost stabbing gollum scene) but the Cyclops brother is back! (how surprising...) and now the cyclops brother fights Luke...
question. um, isn't there a fleece on top of the Chronos ark? isn't he like a giant evil god? isn't he gonna kill everyone? neither thought to just remove the fleece? you woulda saved the day!
32. Oh, Chronos is back. he's kinda short....only like 10 feet tall...hmm, well at least the undulating rocks look awesome....
33. the pen is yet again as mighty as a sword, and wow, this fight, is so lame. chronos went down like a pansy. least he didnt make me grab his outturned pocket and be his bitch.
yes that was a prisonbreak reference
34. oh damn, the girl was killed by the scorpion monkey, oh damn, time for some waterworks lerman....or just put the damn fleece on her. yay! that was easy.
35. Ok, epilogue time, and a set up for the sequel thatll probably never happen. hah nice try though.
FINAL VERDICT: 44
It was a fun movie, but obviously there were just too many lapses in common sense to make it great
Ok I have to admit, I enjoy Writing reviews like this. I had so many random little thoughts going on in my head as the movie was going. Sorry for the spoilers though.
Notice how much easier the second Percy Jackson title is to say. I mean, Percy Jackson and the Olympians the Lightning Thief, is one damn long title.
Well, i went into this with relatively low expectations. It wasn't as bad as I expected though, so that's good!
this ones different, it's mostly a giant list. -Spoilers Ahead -
MOVIE REVIEW: Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters
Pros:
I really like Logan Lerman, since Perks of being a Wallflower he's been one of my favorite young actors.
The movie was pretty fun and had some cool action, especially the Golden Army Bull. He reminded me of Inspector gadget, randomly popping out new gadgets whenever he or the 3D required it.
I like the Mythology hidden in the the movie. the whole story of Chronos and the fall of the titans was cool. even though I just saw the same story in Wrath of the titans.
This was better than Wrath of the titans! there's a Pro!
I like the Subtle reference to Jesus, Even though I think Jesus is fake. I liked the reference to him.
Cons:
The cons are full of about 35 questions and WTF (what the frink) moments.
1. Since when did Pierce Brosnan turn into the Legal assassin?
2. Why was the movie so scared to just call Stanley Tucci Dionysus? I mean, Mr. D? Just say Dionysus
3. The giant Wipeout contraption the halfbloods were playing on stopped when Clarice grabbed the random stone at the top. Obviously the halfbloods all know this would happen. why does Percy Dogooder insist on stopping and sabotaging himself instead of just winning and stopping it to save Neville dragging on the ground? is Percy a moron?
that's debatable.
4. Theyre Demigods....just call them Demigods! not halfbloods. damn mudbloods
5. oh look, a giant mechanical bull. oh look he has a flamethrower, oh look, a drilling tongue, oh look, drilling horns. oh look a flipper saddle...(a flipper saddle?) and oh look he can detach everything and reattach it. sure would suck if the trailers ruin how he dies....oh, damn, they did. bye golden army wannabe, you were killed by a Uniball.
6. Luke's back? um, are we supposed to be surprised?
7. Hey look a cool looking wraith thing. doesn't do much tho....
8. a 10 minute long stain glass puppet exposition scene? well, I bet this thing about chronos coming back will end up being the main issue of the storyline. and doesn't this just kinda feel like a prologue to a certain movie with twin elf prince and princess and a red monkey with a large rock hand?
9. I've seen Wrath of the titans. and they already resurrected chronos, he was a kilometre tall and destroyed stuff. keep that in mind for later.
10. Oh, Not pierce brosnan picks the rival and her pretty boy satyr. I bet they'll do well....
11. Of course Percy and his friends go. how surprising...
12. Ok, let's talk about the cyclops.....1, the effect looks cheap. 2. he puts sunglasses on in an obvious attempt to save special effect money, yet the character wouldn't be able to see out of the glasses, the Nose area would be directly in front of his eye....lame...then he 'mists' himself and has 2 eyes, yay budget reduction! he's also super strong and fireproof. I wonder if that'll come in later...
nope, never does....but there's always the sequel, that'll never happen given box office tallies.
13. HEY! The ford anglia and the knightbus had a kid! and it's the Taxi from scrooged!
14. where did the center blind which lady go when the taxi split in half?
15. oh, they're in DC, still a long way to Florida and they don't have much money, I bet it'll take them a while to get to Florida. oh they're there, and they found his boat....that sure was lucky that Luke parks his boat so close to shore. thank god he wasn't actually out in the ocean or anything...
16. Hi nathan Fillion, I love you.
oh, you're only in it for 5 minutes and a firefly quip? oh. well, remember to give them a couple neat gadgets they'll only use once and never touch again.
17. so, how do the Demigods get to the boat? Rainbow horse....I'm calling it Rainbow dash.
18. hey, I bet that case they're all mystified about is chronos, you know, that guy you spent 10 minutes earlier in the movie describing? yeah, him.
19. so, Luke has daddy issues, great reason to murder everyone on earth. so damn cliche. Lets face it, this Luke ain't got nothing ont hat other Luke...
20. Hey look! He used one of the Captain hammer tools! maybe he'll have the foresight to keep the package tape of vanishing for future uses, like say, making a hole in the boat to sink it and drown the Ark of the Chronos covenant.
21. Percy Jackson: the water bender, he could barely move water in the beginning, now he can surf on his own waves, and create typhoons, hmm, a little uneven there. and why can Luke ride the water too? he's not the avatar
22. whew, they got away from the crazy Demigod and his boat of freaks, it's in hot pursuit. feels like a good time to sit and chat about the cyclop's issues and let them catch up. Oh and give the notoriously clumsy guy the bottle of breath. good choice
23. damn, he dropped it. good time for a water roller coaster ride.
24. So theyre inside the Giant snake? with a ravenous sphincter? I bet shooting a hole in it will totally not instantly fill it with water, and the pressure would crush that old ship in an instant, it's not a damn submarine.
25. whoah an abandoned Amusement park. Cue Cybermen
26. So, you enter an abandoned amusement part, whats the first thing you do? get on a roller coaster....yes, these are the worlds heroes.
27. that Cyclops sounds familiar. I feel like I mentioned hellboy already.
28. got the fleece, cool. and oh look, theres Luke again, shoulda crippled that boat. oh the cyclops brother is shot and apparently killed, show some emotion Percy. nah, never mind. moving on.
29. So, Luke ties Grover, Percy, Clarice, Indiana, and the girl to garters instead of just killing them, so they can watch him revive Cronos. this is kinda like Monologuing. just kill them and revive the titan. dumbass.
30. WAIT WAIT WAIT! he didnt take Percy's sword? FRAKKING DUMBASS!
31. Ok, so, the fleece is on the Ark of the Cronos covenant. Percy rushes the alter and...attacks Luke. then awkwardly stands there for a few seconds as Luke regains himself. they fight a bit, then Luke almost stabs him, (someone saw the frodo almost stabbing gollum scene) but the Cyclops brother is back! (how surprising...) and now the cyclops brother fights Luke...
question. um, isn't there a fleece on top of the Chronos ark? isn't he like a giant evil god? isn't he gonna kill everyone? neither thought to just remove the fleece? you woulda saved the day!
32. Oh, Chronos is back. he's kinda short....only like 10 feet tall...hmm, well at least the undulating rocks look awesome....
33. the pen is yet again as mighty as a sword, and wow, this fight, is so lame. chronos went down like a pansy. least he didnt make me grab his outturned pocket and be his bitch.
yes that was a prisonbreak reference
34. oh damn, the girl was killed by the scorpion monkey, oh damn, time for some waterworks lerman....or just put the damn fleece on her. yay! that was easy.
35. Ok, epilogue time, and a set up for the sequel thatll probably never happen. hah nice try though.
FINAL VERDICT: 44
It was a fun movie, but obviously there were just too many lapses in common sense to make it great
Ok I have to admit, I enjoy Writing reviews like this. I had so many random little thoughts going on in my head as the movie was going. Sorry for the spoilers though.
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